Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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