I have demons in me.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
