Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
