He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
