i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
