rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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