for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
