I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
