I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
3pm strippers are depressing
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
