so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
