So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
