so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
