i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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