Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize
