We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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