when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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