I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
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