The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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