i love accidental penises.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Life without a bra equals bliss.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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