My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
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She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
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So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
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