I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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