good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
