I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
