In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
