She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
