i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
