High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
PANTIES FOUND
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
