Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
