Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Can you repeat that, but with context?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
