Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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