I'm sorry my penis didn't work
you win again, gameday.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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