she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
