Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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