I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
