Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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