My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
