Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
