i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
