It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
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all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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