I wanna bring you to show and tell
I just threw up on my dentist
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Randomize
