new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Randomize
