theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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