I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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