I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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