today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
