ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize