Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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