I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
