this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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