I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
