Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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