Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
