the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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