using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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