I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize