she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
