i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
