The maid of honor just puked.
Do vagina's smell?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
