I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
