Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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