You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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