I want to stick my p in your. b.
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
