It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
