I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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