the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
