so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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