also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
