I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
