wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
