Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize