We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
