we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Randomize
