Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
