It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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