somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
