Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Randomize
