apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
