lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Randomize
