Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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