if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
