i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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