I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
