Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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