If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize