Screwed.edu
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
