It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
