Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
